


Kyungsoo's Southern Cookin'

by BANANNA527



Category: EXO (Band), Food Network
Genre: Crack, Food Kink, Food Network - Freeform, Masturbation, Other, Paula Deen - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-03
Updated: 2018-03-03
Packaged: 2019-03-26 07:58:25
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,073
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13853403
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BANANNA527/pseuds/BANANNA527
Summary: Prompt # R1.030When the members leave him home alone, Kyungsoo turns up the heat in the kitchen





	Kyungsoo's Southern Cookin'

**Author's Note:**

> Hai Y'all it's Paula Deen lmao. I lowkey had way too much fun writing this. I was gonna choose a more sane prompt but when I saw this one I literally couldn't stop laughing. I actually had to pause a couple times while writing it because I kept laughing. This is the first fest that I didn't need an extension for lol. Big thanks to the mods for putting on this fest and I hope everyone involved had as much fun as I did :))))))))))
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> This is total crack lmao everyone knows Kyungsoo/Guy Fieri is the superior pairing

“See you later.” Sehun's voice sounded like music to Kyungsoo's ears as the youngest locked the door behind him, leaving Kyungsoo all alone for at least four hours as everyone else went out to eat.

They had invited him to join them, but Kyungsoo declined, saying that he had things to do around the dorm. No one questioned him; they never did, and for that Kyungsoo was thankful. It was nice to live with people who respected your personal space– people who let you keep your secrets– especially a secret like Kyungsoo's.

It was no mystery that the young man enjoyed cooking, but no one actually knew how deep his love for the culinary arts truly was. His true love was something that he discussed with no one. If word got out about what he did behind closed doors, Kyungsoo knew that his career, everything that he worked so hard for, would be compromised. Therefore, he had to make sure that he was completely alone, hidden away from all the prying eyes and ears tuned in to every sound that came from his mouth.

But before he could indulge in his little secret, Kyungsoo had to prepare; everything had to be just right. He grabbed his laptop and headed to the kitchen. This week, there was a new recipe that he was just dying to try out. Upon opening his browser, Kyungsoo typed in a link that he had long since memorized, taking him to the webpage that held all of his deepest fantasies.

  _http://www.foodnetwork.com/profiles/talent/paula-deen_

His felt his hands begin to shake in anticipation. Today, Paula Deen was scheduled to upload a new video, and Kyungsoo was excited to watch it. Paula was fearless and thiccer than him. She was his southern belle and God help anyone that dared disrespect his southern belle.

However, before he could watch the video, he had to prepare. He changed out of his clothes and into his special, limited edition, _Paula’s Kitchen_ apron. Kyungsoo felt the temperature rising as he fumbled with the strings, tying it in a loose bow knowing that it would soon be removed. He opened the fridge and grabbed the ingredient that was essential to every dish in southern cuisine, butter.

The butter quickly began to soften in Kyungsoo’s heated grip; the thought that he’d soon be watching Paula Deen’s new video made him feel hot, unbearably so. He gripped the table with his free hand, feeling the familiar heat of arousal pool in the pit of his stomach. Kyungsoo knew that he couldn’t wait any longer. With shaky hands, he hovered his fingers over his computer, mentally preparing himself for what was soon to come. Taking a deep breath, Kyungsoo felt a small moan escape as he hit the little button in the corner of the screen, starting the video.

Allowing himself to get lost in the intro music, Kyungsoo turned to the cabinets in order to grab some more ingredients that he knew he’d need. He set down a half empty bottle of olive oil, extra virgin, a brand new bottle of merlot, and a grapefruit; according to Paula, the grapefruit added an extra tang to her dishes. Kyungsoo couldn’t agree more.

“Hi y’all,” Paula’s voice cut through the tension in the air; Kyungsoo shuddered, “Today we’ll be cooking up a classic dish from my family, chicken and rice.”

_Chicken…_

Kyungsoo’s breath hitched as he turned to the fridge and pulled out the package of chicken that Jongin had left out to thaw, “Oh well,” he muttered to himself; Jongin would have ended up burning the meat anyway. He grabbed one of the breasts and massaged it in his hand before turning to Paula for instruction.

“And now we’re gonna marinate the breast in the oil,” Paula put the chicken in a silver bowl and drizzled the oil over it; Kyungsoo did the same, “Now make sure to massage it in there real good, we want this chicken nice and moist.”

“Yes we do,” Kyungsoo mumbled, rubbing the oil into the chicken, relishing in the feeling of the meat under his hands.

“Make sure to add just the right amount of salt,” Paula’s voice was like a siren, guiding Kyungsoo’s every movement. He reached out and grabbed the salt, not caring how much was added; no one was going to eat this anyway.

Paula set aside the chicken to sit and began to work on the rice; Kyungsoo wasn’t making any rice, so he kept working on the chicken, adding his own personal touch. He wiped his hands on his apron and reached for the corkscrew so he could open the merlot. He let the scent waft into his senses before pouring a generous amount in with the chicken.

He leaned in and smelled his creation; it was good, but it was missing something. He looked around, searching for what he needed. He considered the grapefruit, but decided against it; he needed it for later.

Then, just as he was about to settle for less, Paula solved his problem.

“And if you’d like it to be a spicy, if you like a little kick to your meat; you can always add a little bit a’ chili oil to your breast.”

_Spice._

Kyungsoo turned to the cabinet and reached up to grab the chili paste he hid away from the other members. He scooped a couple spoonfuls of the sauce and massaged it in the chicken, enjoying how the spice gently burned his fingertips.

He turned his attention back to Paula; his eyes watching the way her stubby fingers massaged the meat. He imagined that he was the chicken sitting in that bowl, and that Paula was rubbing her hands all over his slicked up body, massaging the marinade into his skin. His little fantasy was beginning to affect him; he felt himself growing hard underneath the apron. Looking down, Kyungsoo flushed at how his erection caused his apron to stick about a bit.

 _What would Paula say?_ Kyungsoo asked himself, moving his stained hand to tug at the loose bow keeping his apron tied together; he tugged it undone. _Would she call me a naughty boy?_ He pulled the apron off and tossed it to the side. His body was flushed from the heat of the kitchen; his cock stood at half mast, needing something to get it fully hard.

Paula’s voice had turned into sweet southern white noise as Kyungsoo reached his hand into the bowl and scooped out some of the marinade and smeared it on his chest. He leaned against the counter and tossed his head back as he massaged the oily mixture into his pecs. Groaning, he tried to vocus on Paula’s southern drawl as she laid the chicken out on a cast iron pan.

“Now when y’all get to this part, don’t be afraid to get liberal with the butter, we want this to be nice and moist, just like my momma made it.”

Kyungsoo reached over and grabbed the butter; smirking at the way it smushed in his grip. He rubbed it into his lower torso, making sure to dip his slicked up thumb into his belly button; you could never be too thorough with butter.

By now, his dick was fully hard, precum just barely starting to form at the tip. He wrapped his hand around it and began to massage the butter into his shaft. The warm slickness of the fat threatening to put his mind into overdrive. Kyungsoo groaned, not even caring about how loud he was being. It was just him, Paula, and the chicken after all.

Reaching his free hand back into the bowl with the chicken, Kyungsoo scooped some more of the marinade into his hand and slathered it on his erection; the heat from the chili causing it to burn deliciously. Looking to spice things up a bit, Kyungsoo brought one of his hands to his rear and teased his rim for a bit. He felt his knees growing weak as he slipped his index finger in.

He thought about how it would feel if it were Paula’s fingers instead of his; her skilled digits massaging him from the inside out, making sure his body was well prepared for the main event. Kyungsoo went on like this for a while, using only the one digit to stimulate his insides, his breath leaving him in throaty moans.

Not wanting to cum so soon; he removed his finger from inside and went to prepare an ingredient that he often used in his cooking sessions. With somewhat shaky hands, he grabbed a knife from the counter and carved a hole right down the middle of the grapefruit he had taken out at the beginning of his session. The slightly acidic juice felt cool against his fingers as he slid the hole away from the rest of the citrus. He squeezed it in his hands, secreting more of the juices in order to ease the slide. Without a second thought, he slipped the fruit over his weeping cock. The cool, acidic feel of the fruit’s juices felt like heaven against his burning skin. He slowly moved it up and down his erection, mind only focused on how good it felt to become one with Paula Deen’s recipes. Kyungsoo groaned her name as he tossed his head back and moved his hand faster. He was frantic, desperate for release.

He blindly smacked his hand against the counter until it found what he was looking for. Not caring that he had knocked the bowl over and spilled the rest of the marinade on the floor, Kyungsoo grabbed the chicken breast and rubbed it against his chest. The still cool meat caused his nipples to pebble. He alternated the meat between his left and right nipples while simultaneously alternating the pace of the hand on his cock between frantically fast and unbearably slow.

In this manner, Kyungsoo was able to bring himself to the edge in a matter of minutes. Completely ignoring the mess he was making, Kyungsoo was only able to think of how the juice of the grapefruit felt as it dripped from the pulp of the fruit to his cock and down his thighs. His one hand soon grew to shaky to properly hold the chicken breast, causing him to drop the meat to the floor to land in the puddle of marinade. Throwing his head back and baring his neck to no one, Kyungsoo came with a groan; his come landing on the floor just next to the chicken.

Catching his breath, Kyungsoo looked over at his computer screen to see that the video had long since ended and the screen had faded to black. He slid the grapefruit from his now limp cock and placed it on the counter. Checking the clock on the microwave, he saw that he still had a couple hours to clean this all up. Taking a moment to bask in the afterglow, Kyungsoo waited to come down from his high before he got to covering up his secret.

Once he felt like he was back in control; Kyungsoo looked down at the chicken laying on the floor. He reminded himself to apologize to Jongin once they all came back, but for now, there was nothing Kyungsoo could do but throw the now unuseable meat into the trash and hope that no one noticed why he felt the need to take out the trash even though it was nowhere near full. For the most part, cleaning up after himself didn’t take that long; this wasn’t his first time cooking alone, and it certainly wouldn’t be his last.

Later that night, after he had cleaned everything up and showered, Kyungsoo sat on the couch and read a book until he heard the door unlock, signaling the end of his alone time. Jongdae was the first to arrive; he always came home first. They greeted each other with a small nod as the elder came to the couch to sit beside Kyungsoo. He filled the younger in on some of the things that had happened while they were out, including what was happening when he left. Kyungsoo responded to the other’s story with all the appropriate comments, and when Jongdae had asked Kyungsoo what he was doing home alone, the younger simply smiled and said that he tried cooking a new dish.

  
  


**Author's Note:**

> Do Kyungsoo if you ever read this I'll pay for your whatever medical operation necessary for you to forget it...............................................................................


End file.
